No matter how hard we try, sometimes we must face the reality that we may not know our adult children as well as we believe. Even so, it’s essential to remain alert for signs that they might be grappling with challenges we haven’t yet noticed.
When shocking news emerges, such as a successful adult child being accused of a serious crime, it forces us to confront uncomfortable truths. While such extreme behavior is rare, it underscores a critical point: no one’s life is perfect. Beneath the surface of apparent success or stability, some adult children may be dealing with struggles their parents fail to see.
As a parenting coach, I’ve observed how much parents want to believe their grown children are thriving. Yet, subtle shifts in behavior or lifestyle can indicate deeper issues. Spotting these early warning signs can make a big impact. Here are three key signs your adult child might be struggling and practical steps you can take to help.
1. Significant Changes in Personality
While it’s natural for people to evolve as they age, sudden and drastic changes in personality or behavior can be a red flag. For instance, your once outgoing child, like 28-year-old Nathan, may become unusually irritable or withdrawn. When his mother, Tessa, noticed he stopped following up with her or began avoiding family events, she initially dismissed it as work stress. Over time, however, his mood swings and isolation worsened.
What You Can Do: Avoid jumping to conclusions or making accusatory comments like, “Why are you acting so strange?” Instead, express genuine concern. For example, you could say, “I’ve noticed you seem more distant lately. Is everything okay? I’m here if you want to talk.” Offering support without judgment can pave the way for meaningful conversations.
2. Ongoing Financial or Career Instability
Repeated job losses, unexplained financial difficulties, or a lack of motivation to pursue goals can signal underlying challenges. Take Sofia, a 35-year-old who seemed to have her life together until her mother, Elena, discovered she was borrowing money from friends to pay rent. Sofia’s explanations about workplace issues and bad luck masked deeper struggles with anxiety and depression that were affecting her well-being.
What You Can Do: Encourage your child to share their struggles without fear of judgment. Suggest seeking professional help, such as therapy or financial counseling. Frame it as a team effort: “Let’s figure out how we can get you the resources you need to feel more stable.”
3. Engaging in Risky or Reckless Behavior
Dangerous behaviors like substance abuse, impulsive spending, or unhealthy relationships can be cries for help. When 30-year-old Marcus began posting erratic social media updates and partying excessively, his father, Greg, chalked it up to a phase. It wasn’t until Marcus was arrested for a DUI that Greg realized the gravity of the situation.
What You Can Do: Set compassionate but firm boundaries. Let your child know you’re concerned for their well-being and willing to support them, but only if they take active steps to address their behavior. For instance, “I’m worried about your drinking. I’ll help you find support, but I can’t ignore how this is affecting your health and safety.”
Why It’s More Important Than Ever
High-profile cases of seemingly successful adult children facing major downfalls remind us that appearances can be deceiving. While most grown children won’t spiral into extreme situations, ignoring early warning signs can lead to significant challenges. Parents often hesitate to intervene, fearing they’ll overstep or strain the relationship. However, approaching your child with empathy and support can make all the difference.
Practical Tips for Parents
Stay Connected: Regular check-ins show your child that you care, even if they aren’t ready to open up. Keeping communication lines open is key.
Seek Professional Help: Don’t hesitate to involve therapists, counselors, or support groups when necessary. They can provide valuable insights and resources.
Prioritize Your Own Well-Being: Supporting a struggling child can take a toll emotionally. Make time for self-care and lean on your own support network.
Although it’s heartbreaking to imagine your child in crisis, addressing these challenges with love and compassion can create a path toward healing. Remember, no one’s life is perfect including your child’s. By recognizing the signs of struggle, you can offer the support they need to navigate life’s toughest moments.