One of the most troubling feelings for many people is the sense of a lack of control. When we feel helpless or think we can't change our situation, we often let outside factors control our choices. For some, this external reliance is overwhelming because we’re conditioned to think we have control over our motivation. Yet, according to the science of how our brain operates, we have minimal influence over how thoughts and beliefs turn into actions. As a result, feelings of frustration, regret, or even sadness can arise. Are these feelings justified? Absolutely, but what matters more is how we respond within the limits of our motivational instincts.
The idea that we lack full choice over our actions is difficult to accept but is supported by extensive neuroscience research. In classic brain activity experiments, Libet and colleagues (1983) showed that decisions happen in the brain a few hundred milliseconds before a person consciously becomes aware of making that decision. This finding has been consistently replicated in various decision-making tasks (Braun et al., 2021). Simply put, with certain choices, brain imaging can predict which decision you’ll make up to 10 seconds before you consciously make it (Soon et al., 2008).
The pre programmed nature of our actions stems from how the brain processes rewards and motivates behavior. Our brain has a distinct network that automatically assesses rewards and drives motivated behavior (Bromberg-Martin et al., 2010). When presented with a possible reward, like something we desire, the brain releases dopamine, a chemical that enhances the urge to act. Dopamine activity can be tracked with various imaging methods, including fMRI. The brain doesn’t discriminate on what it finds rewarding; as long as it sees the reward as achievable, it drives us forward. When you move closer to the reward, your brain craves more of whatever you desire, releasing additional dopamine. This cycle of wanting and needing is shaped by evolution and past experiences. Craving the wrong thing can be harmful, and repeated indulgence can lead to addiction.
What may seem like personal choice is often not. Frequently described as intuition or “gut feelings,” our choices are shaped by a mix of inherited traits and changes influenced by our environment and culture. Just as physical traits like eye color and height are predetermined, so are motivation and emotional responses, like a tendency toward anger or an independent spirit. While it might feel like we’re in control, these spontaneous actions (or inactions) aren’t under conscious control but significantly influence how we react. This doesn’t mean we’re powerless. While we can't fully control our impulses and motivations, we can use the brain's natural reward system to help reach our goals.
Leverage the Power of Flexibility
Brain flexibility promotes adaptation, shaping our behavior through experiences and interactions. While we have built-in response tendencies, our brain’s processes adjust based on our surroundings, relationships, and social environment. This adaptability is evident in simple learning experiences—like avoiding a hot stove after getting burned—but also extends to more complex changes. Rather than fighting our reward system, we can strategically create conditions that align with our brain’s natural pattern of dopamine release, which happens as we make progress toward goals. The specific goals are less important than the process. By intentionally placing ourselves in favorable situations, like avoiding the grocery store when we’re hungry, we can set up the brain with the right conditions to change unwanted behaviors.
Use Self Rewarding Techniques
We can guide our brain to replace less beneficial rewards, such as overeating, substance misuse, or gambling, with more constructive behaviors that have fewer negative consequences. By taking breaks from what usually gives us a dopamine boost, we can retrain the brain to seek the same rewarding feeling in different ways. For example, if it rains daily for a week, the sun feels even more enjoyable when it finally comes out. Similarly, if you eat your favorite food every day, it eventually becomes boring and repetitive. Taking a break from what’s overly stimulating allows the brain to recalibrate and heightens the pleasure derived from it. By temporarily avoiding things we find pleasurable, we increase their perceived value.
Cultivate Awareness
While we can’t eliminate impulses, we can gradually train our brain to become more mindful of what we’re doing and avoid setting ourselves up for failure. Much of our behavior is context-dependent. When we’re in a bar, we’re more likely to drink. Passing a school might prompt thoughts of furthering our education. What matters most is avoiding settings that could lead to unwanted outcomes. Although we can’t directly control thoughts and emotions, developing self-awareness, which involves consciously planning and monitoring our behavior, makes a difference. Awareness helps us recognize and adjust patterns in our automatic responses.
The key is to accept that while we can’t override our brain’s core functioning system, we can work within its boundaries more effectively. Instead of battling against our neurological limitations, success comes from understanding and working with the brain’s natural inclinations. Think of it like sailing you can’t control the wind, but by understanding wind patterns and positioning the sails properly, you can still reach your destination. Similarly, by understanding our neurological needs and applying evidence-based techniques, we can achieve our goals even without direct control over our motivational systems.