Narcissism is defined by having an exaggerated sense of self importance and a strong feeling of entitlement. While narcissists often appear charismatic and charming at first, they tend to struggle in long-term relationships. One key reason for this is their strong desire to be admired by others. This craving for validation makes them particularly sensitive to relationship conflicts, which can feel like a threat to their self-esteem. This sensitivity often leads to anger. Research studies, where participants experience social rejection, reveal that narcissists are especially prone to anger and may even react with aggression. Narcissists are also more likely to engage in hostile behavior during conflicts with their partners and exhibit greater anger toward ex-partners.
In a study I conducted with Lillian Carney, recently published in *Personality and Individual Differences*, we explored how narcissists react when hurt or let down by a romantic partner. Do they respond with heightened anger and a more negative perception of their partner?
To address this question, we conducted a study involving 241 participants in romantic relationships. Participants were asked to reflect on a time when they felt hurt or disappointed by their partner (relationship threat condition) or to simply write about their daily activities (control group). Following the writing task, participants rated their feelings of anger, sadness, and anxiety. They also evaluated their partners on various positive traits (e.g., kindness, attractiveness) and completed questionnaires measuring their levels of narcissism.
As expected, participants who reflected on a relationship challenge reported higher levels of anger, sadness, and anxiety compared to those who wrote about daily activities. However, the effect on anger was especially pronounced for individuals with higher levels of narcissism. In other words, narcissists were particularly likely to feel angry when recalling moments of being hurt by their partner.
Interestingly, the relationship challenge did not affect participants' overall evaluations of their partners’ positive traits. However, we wanted to examine whether narcissists viewed their partners more negatively in the context of the hurtful event they had just described. Previous research shows that narcissists tend to be less forgiving, so we hypothesized that the anger they felt during the recollection would likely be directed at their partners.
To test this, we analyzed participants’ written descriptions of their partners' hurtful behavior. Each description was assessed for blame, resentment, and negativity toward the partner. As predicted, individuals with higher levels of narcissism were more likely to describe their partners negatively when recalling the hurtful event. However, they did not express significantly more blame or resentment toward their partners.
This study sheds light on why narcissists often face challenges in maintaining long-term relationships and why their partners frequently report lower satisfaction. When conflicts arise, narcissists tend to lash out at their partners and, as this research demonstrates, hold onto feelings of anger and negativity stemming from past hurts.