Developing social skills may be easier and more fun than you think. Helping children build impulse control and social skills can be an enjoyable process. In fact, many families already have the tools to do this, likely tucked away in their closets.
Over the years, I’ve used a variety of games with children that they genuinely enjoy. I often put a creative spin on the standard rules to help kids practice behavior management techniques.
While there are specialty games like the "Ungame" designed specifically for this, most people don’t have those at home. Fortunately, I’ve found that almost any game can be adapted to support developmental growth, and the added challenge makes it even more engaging for most children.
Many therapists likely use game variations like these, but I’ve found that parents are often unaware of them. My goal in writing this is to raise awareness so families can practice skill building games together at home. Here are a few examples:
Jenga on a Wobbly TV Tray
This game works especially well with a group of children, but it’s just as effective one-
on one. In my office, I keep a very cheap, wobbly TV tray. It’s the most unstable surface you can imagine, which makes it perfect for practicing impulse control.
If anyone bumps, kicks, or touches the tray in any way, the tower is going down. And if you’re the one who knocked it over, you lose no matter whose turn it was. I see kids with hyperactivity standing there, and you can almost feel their struggle to resist the urge to move around. While it’s important for children to express themselves in some situations, this activity helps them learn to control impulses when it’s necessary.
For an added challenge, I sometimes incorporate sharing an "I statement" about feelings before the player can touch the tower. For example, a child might say, "I felt angry last week when my friend pushed me," and then they can continue their turn. You can also get creative by writing a question on each block (e.g., "What superpower would you choose and why?") that the player must answer before placing it back.
Checkers with a Quiet Twist
Checkers is great for this because of its simplicity, but you can apply this to almost any turn based game. The rule is that each time it’s your turn, you can’t make a move until there’s been 10 seconds of complete silence. Kids are often so eager to keep the game going that they’re highly motivated to stay quiet.
If the child can handle it, you can also make the rule that they have to wait for 10 seconds of silence before they can take their turn as well. Be prepared to enforce the rule by resetting their turn if they break the silence.
Lego with Politeness Rewards
This is another activity that works one on one but is especially effective in groups. I give each child an equal number of random Lego pieces and assign a task, like building their version of a rocket ship (without instructions, just from their imagination). I might set a timer for about 2 minutes, at which point the children can ask, "Can I please have more Lego pieces?"
However, they must ask with the appropriate tone, eye contact, and non-verbal cues. If they don’t, I’ll ask them to try again. When they get it right, I give them 10 more random pieces. We repeat the process, with each round allowing the children to earn more pieces and create a more complex rocket ship. Seeing their peers get more Lego pieces is a strong motivator for positive social behavior. If needed, and if I believe the group can handle it, I might even introduce the rule of losing pieces for behaviors like shouting, throwing, or interrupting.
Create Your Own Version
These are just a few examples of how you can customize games to help your child develop specific skills. Plus, the time spent playing together with a parent or loved one is often therapeutic in itself.
Finally, I hope that parents with children in therapy can remember that while a counseling session might seem like it’s just a simple child’s game, there’s always more going on beneath the surface.