Deeper communication goes beyond surface-level interactions and involves conversations that build trust, understanding, and connection in all relationships. It's about being present, listening carefully, and sharing openly. The goal is always to learn about and understand the other person in a more meaningful and impactful way.
For example, if you were discussing a movie, you wouldn't just talk about its content; you’d explore its meaning and what resonated with the other person. Deeper communication isn't just about exchanging information it's about creating a sense of mutual understanding and empathy. It requires a willingness to be open, vulnerable, and in tune with one another.
The Importance of Deeper Communication
There are two types of listening: "listening to understand" and "listening to respond" (Doell, 2003). People who listen to understand helps people build stronger relationships and reduces misunderstandings.
In addition, deeper communication can have a significant impact on our mental and emotional well-being. Research shows that people who have meaningful conversations are generally happier than those who only engage in small talk (Mehl et al., 2010). Engaging in meaningful conversations can reduce feelings of loneliness and isolation, promote empathy, and increase overall life satisfaction.
Principles of deeper communication include active listening (giving the speaker your full attention and showing awareness and empathy), being focused and present, and thoughtful interaction during conversations.
Here are nine effective tips to help deepen your communication:
1. Share Vulnerably
Share your true thoughts and feelings, even if it's difficult. This includes sharing your real emotions and experiences, which helps others get to know you better. Be honest about your background, beliefs, what inspires you, and your passions. When appropriate, sharing vulnerably can create a sense of shared understanding and connection.
According to Brené Brown, vulnerability is the key to building trust and deeper connections. When we show up authentically, we invite others to do the same, fostering an environment of openness and mutual respect (Brown, 2010).
2. Use mindfulness in every part of your communication
Before starting a conversation, take a few moments to ground yourself. Take deep breaths, focus on the present moment, and set an intention to be fully present during the interaction. Pay attention to your tone, body language, and the energy you're bringing into the conversation.
3. Understand Their Values and Connect with Your Own
Always seek to understand what’s important to the other person and what may trigger a positive or negative response by considering their core values. Align your own values to have more thoughtful and compassionate interactions. This can lead to greater mutual understanding, fewer assumptions, and more empathy.
When talking to someone, whether their response is negative or positive, avoid focusing solely on the content of the conversation. To understand them better, ask questions like, "What was that experience like for you?" or "What made you feel that way?"
4. Create Openness and Safety
Avoid asking "why" or "how" questions, as they can sometimes come across as accusatory or confrontational. Instead, try asking open ended questions such as "How did that make you feel?" or "Can you tell me more about...?" This shows genuine interest and care.
5. Check Your Interpretations
Use reflective listening by summarizing or paraphrasing what the other person said to ensure you fully understand them and can address any misinterpretations. Start with phrases like, "It sounds like you're saying..." or "Am I understanding this correctly?" It’s useful to summarize what you understand to ensure it’s correct.
If you skip this step, you risk damaging the relationship by making negative assumptions, which can lead to misunderstandings and reinforce negative thoughts and beliefs.
6. Ask Thoughtful, Substantial Questions
Make an effort to ask more meaningful questions to get to know others better. Instead of saying, "Did you have a good weekend?" try asking, "What was the highlight of your weekend?" or "Who did you spend time with this weekend, and what did you enjoy about it?" People appreciate sharing their stories and experiences, and they feel valued when you show real interest in their lives.
7. Express Empathy Clearly
As humans, we are naturally equipped for empathy through specific neurons in the brain called mirror neurons. These neurons activate when we see someone expressing emotion, often causing us to feel similar emotions. This ability to empathize helps us connect and respond kindly to one another’s needs. For example, When you mentioned your friend's illness, it really moved me, and I truly understand what you're going through. Please let me know how I can help you."
8. Show Gratitude When Connecting
You can show care and appreciation by directly expressing it. For instance, when someone follows up with you about something you shared, take the time and effort to acknowledge it.
Before responding to what they ask, first take a moment to be personal in your interaction. For example, You could say, "Thank you for remembering what I told you about my mom." It means a lot to me that you thought of me and checked in."
9. Talk Openly About the Relationship
This can be challenging for many people because of the vulnerability it requires putting your feelings out there risks rejection or not having those feelings reciprocated. Consider using connective language when discussing your relationship, such as, "When we have these deep conversations, it really makes me appreciate you and our connection," or "I care about you, and I want to understand you better. I’m here to listen."