Positive indicators, or “green flags,” are uplifting signs in a relationship. Many people focus on the negatives or "red flags," which can sometimes seem easier to notice. However, for couples in long-term relationships, paying attention to positive aspects can be crucial for lasting satisfaction. Relationship expert John Gottman found that focusing on positive interactions and your partner's good qualities can help maintain a positive outlook, even during conflicts. This approach also supports Gottman's recommended 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions, helping to balance your “emotional bank account.”
In long-term relationships, couples may fall into routines and sometimes overlook the effort needed to nurture their connection. But it’s essential to keep investing time into spending quality moments together, improving communication, and resolving conflicts. Here are some of the most common green flags for long term couples:
1. You Listen to Each Other.
Listening to understand rather than just to respond is a strong sign of a healthy relationship. According to Gottman’s research, being open to each other's views is an important part of resolving conflicts and maintaining good communication. Especially during disagreements, the ability to genuinely consider your partner's perspective and show interest demonstrates that you don’t just prioritize your own needs. It’s also a sign that you’re open to compromise. For both people to feel satisfied, each needs to feel understood and know that their core needs are being met. Couples who practice setting aside their own feelings while listening often experience better communication.
2. You Still Have Fun Together.
Many relationship experts emphasize the importance of continuing to “date” your partner throughout life. Spending time together in enjoyable activities strengthens the bond, builds positive experiences, and can even rekindle romance. Research by Arthur Aron highlights that trying new and exciting activities together can deepen connections. Regularly having fun together can also help balance stressful periods in the relationship. When you share enjoyable experiences, it may feel easier to get through tough times.
3. You Express Appreciation Openly.
Research by Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough suggests that expressing gratitude can lead to greater relationship satisfaction and stability. Regularly letting your partner know what you appreciate about them creates positive feelings and strengthens the connection. It’s important to highlight specific qualities you admire, such as their kindness, humor, thoughtfulness, or dedication as a parent. Also, recognize particular tasks they do, like cooking, managing finances, or simply bringing you a treat. Make your appreciation meaningful by giving examples rather than a quick “thank you.” This helps your partner feel truly valued.
4. You Support Each Other's Goals.
Having shared goals as a couple is important, but feeling that your partner supports your individual dreams is a positive indicator of a healthy relationship. Research by Grainne Fitzsimons and Eli Finkel on personal goals in relationships found that people who feel supported by their partner tend to feel closer to them. When your partner supports your ambitions, you’re also more likely to achieve them, boosting confidence and connection. Feeling comfortable sharing any goal, no matter how big or small, is a sign that your relationship is in a good place. If you have a goal, like climbing Mount Everest, and your partner responds with encouragement, that’s a solid green flag.
5. You’re Affectionate with Each Other.
Affection plays a vital role in maintaining closeness and connection in relationships. Gottman suggests the “Six Second Kiss” as a way to build intimacy, as this small gesture provides a moment to strengthen the positive feelings you have toward each other, more than a quick peck would. Research by Kory Floyd shows that affection, both verbal and nonverbal, positively impacts relationships by enhancing well-being and reducing stress. Studies also show that affection fosters mutual care in relationships, demonstrating that partners genuinely care for each other’s well being.
Strengthen Those Positive Indicators
Even if you haven’t recently hit all the positive indicators listed here, you can still work on them to create a stronger relationship. Long-term relationships require ongoing effort; we can’t simply be passive participants. It’s essential to be mindful of your connection, your partner's feelings and needs, the time you spend together, and your shared affection. Successful long-term couples prioritize spending time together, supporting each other, and doing things for enjoyment. If you feel your relationship needs a refresher, couples therapy is always a helpful option.