Why do women cheat? Is it for emotional fulfillment? For revenge?
In most relationships, partners either explicitly or implicitly agree that their relationship is exclusive, and fidelity is crucial. When someone cheats, they breach this agreement, risking the stability and health of their relationship. Infidelity is a serious issue, often cited as a primary reason for breakups or divorces (Amato and Privati, 2004).
The Prevalence of Infidelity
Infidelity can jeopardize a relationship, yet it remains relatively common. A review of infidelity research indicates that approximately 20 to 25 percent of married couples experience at least one instance of cheating during their relationship (Fincham and May 2017). This review also discusses how the dynamics of cheating have evolved, with women increasingly matching men's infidelity rates.
Are the reasons women cheat different from those of men? What specifically drives women to risk their relationship's well-being for an affair?
10 Reasons for Women's Infidelity
Recent research aimed to uncover why women cheat (Murphy et al., 2024). This study surveyed 116 women (and 138 men) from various countries, all of whom had previously engaged in infidelity. Women cited the following reasons for their unfaithfulness:
1. Unhappiness in their current relationship (64.66 percent): The most frequently mentioned reason, relationship dissatisfaction, is a complex emotional and psychological state. It may reflect entrenched unhealthy patterns, ongoing conflict, or a perceived disconnection. When women are dissatisfied, it puts both them and their relationship at risk for infidelity. Women are twice as likely as men to report this as their reason for cheating.
2. Perceiving their partner as emotionally distant (22.41 percent): Relationship quality is crucial, and when women feel their primary partner is disengaged, it can motivate infidelity. Four times as many women as men attribute their past unfaithfulness to this reason.
3. Seeking revenge (15.52 percent): When women discover their partner has cheated, they may feel compelled to do the same. Women are significantly more likely than men to engage in infidelity as a form of retaliation.
4. Boredom or a desire for something new (12.93 percent): Women who find their lives dull or lacking excitement may be drawn to the allure of an affair. While about 5 percent of women indicated that a desire for novelty explained their affair, nearly 8 percent pointed to boredom as the reason they cheated.
5. Sexual dissatisfaction (8.62 percent): When women are unhappy with their sexual experiences with their partner, they may seek other sexual partners.
6. Opportunistic, influenced by alcohol, or acting impulsively (7.76 percent): Infidelity can occur even in the absence of relationship dissatisfaction. Sometimes situational factors, such as someone flirting or not considering the consequences, are the real reasons behind infidelity. While we might hope that people act according to their values, situational influences can be strong and sometimes explain why women cheat.
7. Seeking validation (6.90 percent): Feeling recognized and understood is important, and if women do not feel valued in their relationship, this can lead to infidelity.
8. Affection or attraction towards the affair partner (6.89 percent): Surprisingly, the characteristics of an affair partner play a relatively minor role in women's infidelity. The majority of reasons women give for their affairs focus on their primary relationship, with only about 2 percent citing love for the affair partner and around 5 percent mentioning the affair partner's attractiveness as a key motive.
9. Knowing their relationship is ending (6.03 percent): Relationship endings are rarely sudden; there is usually a lead-up to a breakup. Women sometimes cheat because they sense their primary relationship is ending.
10. Long-distance relationships (3.45 percent): A small percentage of women blame the distance in their relationship for their cheating. When couples live apart, they are less integrated into each other's lives, creating more opportunities for an affair.
While these reasons were most commonly cited by the women in this study, they are not exhaustive. People may also cheat for reasons unique to their situation. The list is based on self-reported reasons, which means there might be some bias or partial honesty. However, it provides a valuable starting point for understanding the motivations behind infidelity.
Women Cheat Due to Unmet Needs
Most people enter committed relationships not expecting to cheat. Despite this, infidelity becomes a challenge for some couples, who must decide whether to work through it or end their relationship.
A prevailing theme among the many explanations for infidelity is the connection to unmet needs. When needs for belonging, connection, sexual satisfaction, self-esteem, or social interaction aren't fulfilled, women may be more at risk of engaging in infidelity.
This makes sense. People have only one life and are naturally driven toward fulfilling their needs. When these needs aren't met in one relationship, the allure of another partner can be strong, making resistance difficult. This doesn't imply that unmet needs inevitably lead to cheating. Instead, it highlights the importance of considering women's overall need satisfaction as a potential risk factor for infidelity.