Many of us have experienced the struggle to make positive changes in our lives, only to find ourselves falling back into old habits. Whether it's cutting back on coffee, sugar, alcohol, or starting an exercise routine, the process is often more challenging than we anticipate. Here are some common sentiments:
- "I want to reduce my coffee intake, but it's challenging, and I often find myself returning to it."
- "I should start working out, but finding time is difficult."
- "I know I'd feel better if I slept earlier, but late-night hours are the only time I have for myself."
This kind of inner conflict is common when it comes to making lifestyle changes. It's a natural part of the process, yet we often see hesitation as an obstacle rather than an expected part of the journey to a better life.
The Pitfalls of Misunderstanding Hesitation
When we lack insight into the roots of our hesitation, our ability to address it effectively becomes limited. Without a clear understanding of why we hesitate, we risk resorting to harmful labels that oversimplify and misrepresent our inaction and that of others. Phrases like "I must be lazy," "I have no willpower," or "She’s in denial" can be damaging.
The Real Roots of Hesitation
A helpful framework for understanding hesitation comes from a research-based approach called motivational interviewing. This method has been successfully used to reduce hesitation and increase motivation for a range of behavior changes, from substance use to lifestyle changes and medical adherence.
From the perspective of motivational interviewing, two main roots of hesitation are low importance and low confidence in making a change. If we don't believe strongly in the necessity of a change or lack confidence in our ability to take the required steps, we are likely to hesitate. Conversely, if we see the change as essential and feel confident in our ability to achieve it, we are likely to have high motivation to make the change.
But don’t just take my word for it. Reflect on a behavior you've been hesitant to change. It could be eating less junk food, increasing exercise, losing weight, drinking less, reducing screen time, meditating more, starting therapy, or going back to school, among others.
Have something in mind? Great. Now, ask yourself the following:
- Do I sometimes question whether this change is truly important?
- Are there drawbacks or unappealing aspects of making this change?
- Do I enjoy keeping things the same?
- Is it hard to commit to this change due to competing demands, such as limited time, money, or energy?
- Do I have doubts about my ability to make or sustain this change?
- Do I feel hesitant to make the change because I’ve tried before and was unsuccessful?
If you answered yes to any of the first three questions, you might have a low sense of importance. If you answered yes to any of the last three questions, you might have low confidence.
Hesitation in the face of change is a common human experience. It’s true for us, our family and friends, and those we encounter in our professional lives. Recognizing this reality is the first step in dismantling counterproductive judgments and labels, allowing us to more clearly see and effectively address the underlying causes of hesitation.