Why It’s Better to Be Eight Minutes Late but No More. The introduction of railways in the 19th century forced towns in England to standardize their time to Greenwich Mean Time (GMT). Some towns adapted more slowly than others. One notable holdout was Oxford, where for a while, the clock on Tom Tower at Christ Church had two-minute hands. Even today, if you are five minutes late in Oxford, you can jokingly claim to be running on "Oxford time"; and the city's loudest bell, Great Tom, chimes 101 times every evening at five past nine.
Being just five minutes late is often considered acceptable, which is why the "Oxford time" excuse is somewhat humorous. To be five minutes late isn't really to be late. True lateness occurs when people start to get annoyed. They become irritated because your tardiness shows a lack of respect and consideration for them, and this irritation escalates more quickly if they believe they hold a higher social or professional status than you. Unless you have a very good reason for being late, preferably something beyond your control (e.g., a traffic jam), being late sends the message, "My time is more important than yours," implying, "I am more important than you," and perhaps even, "You’re lucky I showed up at all." It is especially rude to be late to formal or significant events like weddings or funerals, or those with many parts and precise timings, such as an elaborate dinner party or civic event.
Being late not only offends others but also undermines the person who is late, as it may indicate a lack of planning, self-awareness, determination, or empathy. For instance, the person who is late might have set unrealistic goals and overscheduled their day, or misjudged the time it takes to travel from one place to another.
There are also more subtle reasons for being late beyond mere incompetence. Some include anger and aggression, while others involve self-deception. Let's start with anger and aggression. Angry people who behave with exaggerated calmness and politeness might still express their anger through passive means, that is, through (conscious or unconscious) resistance to meeting the reasonable expectations of others. Examples of passive-aggressive behavior include creating confusion, neglecting or ignoring important facts or items, withdrawing customary behaviors like making tea, cooking, cleaning, or having sex, shifting blame, and, of course, frequently being late on an unpredictable basis. As the name suggests, passive-aggressive behavior is a way to express aggression indirectly, thus avoiding the full emotional and social costs of more overt aggression. However, it prevents the underlying issues from being acknowledged and resolved, leading to much distress and resentment in those on the receiving end.
Now let's talk about the second subtlety, self-deception. As we have seen, being late, especially egregiously or repeatedly late, conveys the message, "I am more important than you." Of course, one can, and often does, convey a message without it being true indeed, precisely because it isn't true. Therefore, a person may be late because they feel inferior or insignificant, and being late is a way for them to impose themselves on a situation, attract maximum attention, and even take control of proceedings. You might have noticed that some people prone to being late are also prone to making a scene out of it: apologizing profusely, introducing themselves to everyone in turn, moving furniture around, requesting a clean glass, and so on. Clearly, such behavior often includes an element of passive aggression.
Staying with self-deception, being late could also be a form of resistance, a way of showing one's objection to the purpose of the meeting, or resentment for its likely outcome. In psychotherapy, a client is likely to show similar resistance by being late, but also by changing the topic, blanking out, falling asleep, or missing appointments altogether. In the context of psychotherapy, such behaviors suggest that the client is close to recalling repressed material but fearful of the consequences.
I should point out that being late isn't necessarily unhealthy or pathological. Sometimes, being late is your subconscious (intuition) telling you that you don’t want to be there, or that it would be better for you not to be there for example, it might be that a meeting (or even a job) isn't the best use of your time, or will ultimately work against your well-being. Headaches can also serve this purpose, as they often do for me.
Whenever you are late, you can learn a great deal just by asking yourself, "Why exactly am I late?" Even if it's just because you're busy, why are you so busy? Often, we keep ourselves as busy as possible to avoid being left with our deepest thoughts and feelings, which is, of course, very counterproductive in the short, medium, and long term. Here's another reason for being late: to avoid being alone and bored (thank goodness for smartphones!).
Now, I have a small confession. In many social situations, I am usually exactly eight minutes late. Why? Well, being early is just as rude, if not more so, than being late, while being exactly on time can sometimes catch your host off guard (I'm often caught off guard by people who are dead on time, which I suppose is a form of me being late). On the other hand, being eight minutes late isn’t perceived as being late and gives your host just enough time to sit down for a couple of minutes, gather their thoughts, and begin to anticipate your arrival.