Valentine's Day offers a wonderful opportunity to celebrate heartfelt and non-romantic relationships. Valentine's Day, often known as the Feast of Saint Valentine, is an annual celebration of love and affection observed worldwide. While many people see this day as a time reserved for romantic partners, it's also a perfect occasion to honor various other bonds such as love for parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, children, and grandchildren. Additionally, platonic love between friends provides another great reason for celebration.
Non-romantic love represents a special emotional and spiritual connection between two people who care for and respect each other due to shared interests, deep understanding, and similar values. This bond does not involve any sexual connection.
Most friendships begin as either personal or professional. In professional relationships, the bond often revolves around a common work interest. Loving others means understanding them in a profound way. As author Judith Blackstone (2002) notes, "The ability to love goes beyond having an emotional response to or understanding another person. It requires a capacity for contact, and this contact does not necessarily have to be physical. It can include how you talk to them, the emotions you express towards them, and the awareness you have about them. It's about connecting deeply with someone."
Mark Matousek discusses the god Eros, whom the Greeks believed to be the brother of Chaos. Matousek highlights that "Sensual love is intense and wild; the love for friends is more familial (like in healthy families), contained, sincere, balanced, and tame ... However, when friendship becomes both familial and wild, we have a complicated situation," he adds. In other words, it’s challenging to maintain both a platonic and sexual relationship with someone. Platonic relationships can evolve into romantic ones, but often their strength lies in their strong foundation.
Some suggest that in a heterosexual relationship where two people enjoy each other's company, whether personal or professional, there might be sexual tension, even if they are not "lovers" in the classic sense of the word. In such cases, sexual desire may be suppressed.
While there might be some sexual tension between platonic friends, both might choose to keep things simple and not become intimate. The problem is that once platonic friends become physically intimate, the boundaries can become blurred. In a platonic relationship, caring, concern, and love are shown through words and body language.
If both individuals decide to become physically intimate, several outcomes are possible. If the intimacy is positive, it can strengthen the bond, but if not, it can harm the platonic relationship. Many mental health professionals advise against sexual intimacy between platonic friends because this type of connection is rare. However, if one person feels a strong sexual attraction but the other does not, here are some tips to protect the friendship:
- Share your emotions with the other individual in a comfortable and open manner.
- Set clear boundaries together.
- Avoid touching beyond a greeting hug.
- Refrain from sexual conversations.
- Be careful about what you say and do when you're with others.
My friendship with Thomas Steinbeck, the son of Nobel Prize-winning author John Steinbeck, was a happily platonic one. We were so close that we were almost like siblings, sharing our joys, fears, and creative endeavors. Our love was unconditional, yet we never crossed into intimacy.
Thomas and I cherished each other's company. We were content and laughed together. At times, we were possessive of our time with each other, and when apart, we intuitively knew what the other was feeling. In a way, we were each other’s "life-preserver," and after his passing, I felt like I was drowning in grief. He was the cornerstone of my creativity. We transformed pain into art together, him through fiction, and me through poetry and memoir. Losing him and our deep friendship felt like losing a beloved family member.