The Healing Power of Nature
Spending time in nature can be particularly soothing during times of grief. If you already enjoy activities that bring you close to nature like walks in the park or tending to houseplants it's beneficial to continue these habits.
If your encounters with plants or other natural elements like soil, sand, water, or scenic views are rare and special, consider giving yourself more of these experiences. Can you visit the park every Sunday? Perhaps spend a month working remotely from a beautiful location. Such environments can help you stay focused and productive, even during difficult times.
Creating a Garden Space
Can you start a garden in your backyard, patio, balcony, or windowsill? Many experts talk about "grief gardening" engaging with soil can help you feel grounded. Creating your own connection with nature is a wonderful way to honor a loved one who enjoyed the outdoors. If your spouse was the gardener while you stayed inside, you can now take on the task of keeping those plants thriving. Whether you do the work yourself or hire someone to maintain the garden, it's a tribute to your love. You might also place plaques or statues in the garden, turning it into a kind of memorial. Indoors, you could place their photo among the plants.
Taking Your Time
There's no rush to do everything at once. You can start your garden a year from now if you prefer. Grief follows its own timeline, and everyone experiences it differently. Especially if you feel you're not processing things, grab a rake or find some bulbs to plant. However, if your grief is severe, prolonged, and hindering your daily life a year after a loss, you might be diagnosed with "prolonged grief disorder," which may warrant talk therapy or antidepressants.
The Health Benefits of Soil
Any interaction with nature may reduce your risk of depression, anxiety, or compromised immunity associated with emotions. For individuals hit with a devastating loss such as a sudden loss of a child or a suicide some research suggests working on a farm. You can bring yourself a bit of that healing in small ways.
This shouldn't feel like a chore. You might feel like staying indoors, maybe even in bed. But getting outside can soothe more than you realize.
"Spend some time looking at [dirt] and inhaling the smells," said Amos Clifford, the leader of the Association of Nature and Forest Therapy Guides and Programs and the author of Your Guide to Forest Bathing. "Rub it between your fingers, then gently touch your face with your hands."
Create a Memorial Garden
If you have outdoor space, a new gardening project could absorb your attention. There are many ways to make it a tribute to your loved one. Did your spouse love purple? Choose purple plants that thrive in your area. In the northeastern US, you could plant wisteria that will eventually cover the side of your garage. As it grows, you'll see a reminder of your spouse's spirit that lives on.
Consider the colors, scents, seasons, and places in the world that remind you of your loved one. Take your time, and you can make your garden an ongoing symbol of your love.
Indulge in Nostalgia
It's your garden and your grief. You can choose wind chimes or personalized plaques to add a special touch to your space. To truly personalize it, create a small area with sculpture and stone. An engraved suncatcher in the kitchen window could bring her closer. You can create a suncatcher yourself or purchase one at a craft fair. Items with your loved one's name can help if you didn't bury her with a headstone or can't easily visit the grave. You can engrave window boxes and garden stones.
Bring Life
An outdoor garden can attract bees, birds, or butterflies if you design it that way. You can create a fun space for your grandchildren. Include a swing!
A Memorial Garden in Your Home
Many of us don't have yards and can't visit parks often. We need nature in our lives, too. Dedicate part of a deck, balcony, breakfast nook, or simply a windowsill to your loved one's memory. It's okay to be concise and simple without spending a lot of money.
The key is to foster joyful memories. If you had romantic getaways in arid climates and live in a wet one, create yourself a small window box with succulents you can keep indoors.
Dried flowers in your home can work, too. You could dry flowers yourself—choose her favorites or blooms from condolence bouquets you receive. Or use flowers she picked for your wedding. Hang them on the wall in the kitchen, where you miss the breakfasts you shared, near the window with the suncatcher.
Create a Space for Reflection
Create a cozy outdoor spot with a comfy chair for prayer, meditation, journaling, or listening to your favorite tunes, creating a serene sanctuary. You might find yourself speaking aloud to your loved ones or sensing signs of their presence—that's normal and not a sign of mental illness.
Indoors, place her favorite chair near your memorial plants or where you can see her name in a suncatcher.
Consider Lighting
We often miss loved ones most at night when we're alone during and after dinner, for example. A lamp or lights in an outdoor space can comfort you instead of leaving you feeling scared at dusk and into the night. Create a serene spot that can alleviate loneliness. Inside your home, think about creating a habit of lighting a candle close to a special place of remembrance. Choose a candle with a soft glow, not one for reading.
Feeling Low-Energy?
Grief is labor. It's normal to be tired when you are absorbing loss and a change in your life. Your loved one's friends and family can help you with your garden. Have a ceremony where each person plants a bulb. You can make this a personal grieving ritual. Remember, you can start a garden at any time, even years after a loss. There's no hurry in the grieving process.