Are you constantly finding yourselves in unnecessary conflicts? It’s time to rethink your approach. A recent study published in Private Connections revealed that during relationship disputes, taking a moment to reflect internally about the situation can significantly reduce distress and boost one's "self-efficacy," or their confidence in their ability to effectively manage the conflict. Higher self-efficacy, in turn, enhances relationship satisfaction and constructive conflict resolution.
The researchers propose that most individuals already have an idea of which strategies would facilitate compromise but simply need a chance to contemplate these tools. They provided participants with a reflective exercise for a recent, significant disagreement with their partner, prompting them to consider the following six questions:
1. Think about why the conflict happened.
2. Consider how the conflict should have been handled.
3. Ponder on effective approaches for managing conflicts in general.
4. Contemplate ideal responses to conflicts within the relationship.
5. Explore the rationale behind a particular response.
6. Envision strategies for effectively addressing future conflicts.
The study found that this exercise encourages participants to engage in deliberate and constructive self-reflection, become more objective and mindful about their responses in conflicts, and better understand how to navigate such situations in the future.
Relationship Maintenance as a Conflict Resolution Tool
"Even when individuals possess the knowledge and skills to problem-solve effectively in their relationships, being highly upset with their partners or lacking efficacy in their ability to resolve conflicts may hinder their ability to actually apply that knowledge and skill," the researchers concluded.
The researchers’ reflective exercise enables couples to tap into their intuition regarding what may be genuinely helpful in the moment and then apply this knowledge, rather than succumbing to more impulsive reactions when emotions are heightened: "Our findings suggest that when individuals take even just 10 minutes to thoughtfully consider their relationship conflicts, it can lead to significant improvements in their readiness to handle future conflicts."
Instead of avoiding the conflict and the uncomfortable emotions associated with it — which often undermines relationships — such practices encourage partners to move towards each other and view the conflict as an external challenge that needs to be addressed. This shifts away from the "me against you" mindset and enhances the sense of being a team, even amidst conflict.
A new study shows how being mindful in your relationship can make it better. "Mindful partnering" means being present, caring about each other's feelings, and pausing before arguing. This helps improve relationship quality and the sense of meaning in the relationship, show empathy toward each other, and have self-compassion for themselves," wrote lead researcher Natasha Seiter.
Indeed, research indicates that couples can support each other in problem-solving by offering daily encouragement, empathy, compassion, and positive feedback about their problem-solving skills, thereby enhancing their self-efficacy. Conversely, when partners are indifferent, hostile, or critical, it significantly lowers relationship satisfaction and exacerbates conflict.
Furthermore, how one responds to a partner after a conflict also influences how they reconnect. Research suggests that behaviors that help couples emotionally recover from conflicts include engaging in "active repair efforts" by acknowledging one's role in the conflict and offering apologies or seeking to gain another perspective.
Mindfulness practices and journaling serve as valuable tools to gain perspective, reduce distress, learn from a conflict, and extend forgiveness.
While particularly effective in addressing smaller, everyday issues, these practices also lay the groundwork for long-term relationship health and resilience. For couples grappling with more significant or persistent challenges, seeking assistance from a couples therapist can provide the necessary guidance to address deeper, underlying issues.
In essence, embracing relationship maintenance empowers couples to continually evolve together, overcome challenges collaboratively, and start viewing conflicts as opportunities for growth and connection.